Proximity Pays, But at What Price?

There’s a reason people want to get close to successful people.

The introductions, the access, the inside conversations, the opportunities that seem to appear because you’re in the right room. Association with an influential person can open doors that might otherwise stay closed.

Eric Berman explores this territory in his book, Proximity Pays: Generate More Revenue From Meaningful Relationships. The premise is worth considering: relationships and proximity can have considerable business value. Who you know, how you connect, and the relationships you cultivate can influence the opportunities available to you.

There’s another side to proximity that deserves attention.

Recently, Suzy Ashworth shared a post about her anger over a pattern of behavior involving a famous coach and investment opportunities recommended to people in her community. She identified three lies that can keep people close to powerful coaches and mentors.

Her observations are particularly relevant when a person has paid for access to an influential figure and begins to place extraordinary trust in that figure’s guidance.

The three lies she identified were:

These lies are not necessarily obvious. Each contains a thread of truth, and that is what makes them so persuasive.

When you align yourself with a person who has perceived power, you can benefit from what’s known as the Halo Effect. Some of their reputation and credibility rub off on you. You get to bask in the light that emanates from that person.

Being able to access their innermost thinking feels like a privilege. They’re winning at life in a way you aspire to, and being close to them gives you access to things you might not otherwise experience.

There’s truth in that.

Except, how powerful are you if the power you’re borrowing is a facade?

Not very.

And the minute you decide to stop investing in that relationship, your so-called power can disappear in a puff of smoke.

Sometimes you’ll be told this overtly. More often, the message comes through in less obvious ways.

You might think the inside jokes, shared experiences, and years of interaction mean you’ve become genuine friends. But the relationship may have been transactional all along.

When you stop paying for access, don’t expect the same enthusiasm for your wins and successes. If they can’t take credit for your success, they may not be interested. Until, of course, the next opportunity presents itself.

There’s a difference between being close to a person and having a relationship with them.

This one can be convincing too.

You see the success stories. The client testimonials affirm the person’s extraordinary ability. You hear how a business took off after working with them. Their involvement appears to be the common denominator in the success stories.

It’s easy to conclude that they have the golden touch.

Your greatest successes and failures will ultimately depend on your own willingness to get stuck in.

When you play a big game, there will be massive wins and massive losses. That’s life. That’s business.

A person who tells you they’re the unicorn, the one whose involvement guarantees success, is not telling you the whole story.

Testimonials tell you about experiences people have had. They don’t guarantee what will happen in your business, your investments, or your life.

Another person’s track record does not replace your own wisdom.

No matter what problem you bring them, they have an answer.

They’re The Oracle.

When it comes to coaching and mentoring, be careful with a mentor who wants to give you advice on everything. Expertise has edges.

It’s surprisingly easy to put a mentor on the pedestal of the omniscient one. You start going to them about your business, your finances, your investments, your relationships, and decisions that have very little to do with the expertise for which you originally hired them.

Before long, their opinion carries more weight than the opinions of people who specialize in those areas.

That seat does not belong to a mentor.

A brilliant business coach isn’t automatically a qualified investment professional. A successful entrepreneur may know one industry well. Wealth does not make a person a financial authority.

Admiration is not a qualification.

And confidence is not evidence of competence.

This is where Suzy’s post becomes particularly relevant.

She described discovering that a friend had invested more than six figures in an investment company on the recommendation of a famous coach.

“Why would you take investment advice from a person who isn’t an investment professional?” comes to mind first.

Consider the thinking that can lead a person to do exactly that.

The three lies make these thoughts seem entirely reasonable.

There’s another point to check: is the person recommending this investment receiving a commission on the money you put in?

If they are, and they haven’t disclosed it, that information might change how you evaluate the recommendation. You might do considerably more due diligence than reviewing the very professional-looking investor pack you’ve been given.

Get a second and third opinion before investing in a venture you haven’t independently investigated. Even if you can see the investment, that doesn’t mean you understand the risks.

Suzy also described her own experience with an investment that went into liquidation. The opportunity had been recommended by the same coach to members of her community, with the prospect that they would all become multimillionaires.

She lost money and felt embarrassed about having involved her sister.

She took responsibility for her decision. She knew there was a risk and went ahead anyway, investing only what she could afford to lose at the time.

Her first rule of speculative investments.

Later, another supposedly billion-dollar opportunity appeared. That company folded too, just eleven months after taking more than six figures from her friend.

It’s easy to look at these situations from the outside and wonder how people could be so foolish.

Suzy made an important observation: she understood how easy it was to be seduced by the allure of success, to trust a person who had helped her, and to want to keep creating more so she could maintain her place in that world.

Her original post ended with a challenge to anyone who recognized themselves in the three lies:

Her anger was the catalyst for identifying a pattern that deserves attention.

The cautionary tale Suzy describes concerns a particular kind of relationship: one involving a paid coach, mentor, or expert whose perceived success and influence can lead clients to trust them beyond their expertise.

Her account does not argue against coaches, mentors, or investing in relationships. Good mentors can make an enormous difference. Paying for expertise can be an excellent investment.

The problem arises when the relationship becomes dependent on a person’s perceived status, when admiration replaces independent discernment, or when access is mistaken for genuine connection.

That brings us back to Eric Berman’s Proximity Pays.

The idea that proximity can generate business value is worth exploring. Being connected to the right people can lead to introductions, partnerships, customers, investment opportunities, and business growth.

Proximity alone does not equal relationship value.

You can be in the room with influential people and gain very little. You can pay substantial sums to maintain access to a person whose reputation is worth more than their contribution to your life or business.

You can also build relationships with people who have no public profile, impressive title, or apparent power, and discover that those relationships become some of your greatest assets.

This is where I see a much broader opportunity in the idea of Relationship Riches.

Relationship Riches is the investment you make in others and in yourself that compounds for both.

I’ve believed in this idea for a long time. RelationshipRiches.com was registered in October 2010, and the phrase appeared in my 2012 book, The Webinar Way.

It comes from a practice I’ve kept throughout my life.

Remembering a friend’s birthday without needing an app to remind me. Picking up the phone because a friend came to mind. Showing up at their door. Going the extra ten miles for the people I care about. Keeping the promises I make.

Each is a deliberate act of investment in people. And they add up.

Relationship Riches grows from the value created when people invest in themselves and one another.

In a paid coaching relationship, one person may hold disproportionate influence over the other. Relationship Riches rests on mutual contribution, and neither person needs to be on a pedestal.

Relationship Riches centers on what you contribute to one another.

Eric Berman’s book invites us to consider the value of proximity and meaningful relationships in business.

Suzy Ashworth’s experience reminds us that proximity to perceived success can also make us vulnerable, particularly when we pay for access and allow admiration to override independent discernment.

Relationship Riches offers another perspective: the value of investing in relationships for their own sake.

These ideas relate to one another, and each has its own meaning.

Some people want you close because your participation benefits them. Others want to see you succeed whether or not they receive anything in return.

Sometimes those distinctions are difficult to see, particularly when a person has helped you in the past.

So ask yourself:

These checks matter when money, professional advice, and influence are involved.

There’s a much bigger point here.

You don’t need to be close to a famous person in the room. You don’t need to buy your way into an exclusive circle. You don’t need another person’s reputation to validate your own worth.

The people who enrich your life may be the ones whose names would mean nothing to people outside your own circle.

Count your wealth by the people who pick up when you call.

And then call one of them today.